Wall of Text

Damn, its been awhile since I've written a blog. Perhaps I should start doing this more often? I feel it would allow me to vent my frustrations on personal matters and allow me to express my opinions without being criticized by people who have no place to do so.

There's a lot of stuff happening in my world, the biggest thing is that my Mother is moving away to Maine to take care of my Grandmother. She can barely take care of herself on her own anymore and Mom has no choice but to move up there. What's worse, is she doesn't want to. She wants to stay here, this is her home. Her friends, family, and work are all here. I guess the scariest part of it all is that fact that, it's going to force me to get off my ass and start taking care of myself independently. The security of always having a place to come to is suddenly about to be uprooted and moved 800 miles away. I also get worried that, what if something goes wrong? I won't be able to just, come over and help out. My Grandfather will be moving up with them too, once the house is all rebuilt. With all of the health issues they have, something could go drastically wrong and I won't be there.

I guess I could move up there with them if I REALLY wanted to. A part of me however feels that I need to stay here and fend for myself. My friend told me it'd be a good thing for both of us, we all rely on each other in a sense that's not always good. They don't do much around the house cause, well, I'm here. I don't have a lot of motivation and incentive to do what I want or what I think is right, and they kind of play on it. That's not as... bad as it sounds, it mainly has to do with procrastination. We all do it, we feed off of each others procrastination and it turns into a vicious cycle of procrastination. So, I feel that it'll be a good thing.

What else, what else... ah yes! The betrayal and overall dickery from someone I used to consider one of my best friends. Why do people have to bring people down to make themselves feel better? Why do people have to lie about and justify their misdeeds to empower themselves? The fact that some people have to flaunt their masculinity and tell it to the whole world so everyone can hear, is frustrating to me. Because honestly, that doesn't do anything for you. It makes you look like a self-righteous dick. Your shitty car, your slutty girlfriend and your pathetic excuse of 'jobs' don't make you a man.

The worst part about the above statements? I fell for it. I allowed myself to believe that, that is what a real man should be like. I allowed him, to tear me down and offend me on so many levels. I hate that I allowed him to do that. When I left for Maine and got away from it all, I finally saw what was happening. I finally realized that, it was all bullshit, a facade of lies and justification. I finally realized, a man isn't what he has, it's who he is. How he carries himself, how he treats strangers, friends, family, and co-workers; that's what makes a man a man.

Then, I came to find out that. I'm no longer in the band that I helped create and develop what it is today. On what accounts? No one knows. He kicked out my drummer too. Possibly the best drummer I've played with. The sad part about it is, he did it all behind our backs. He lied, stole, and changed things without other persons opinions. It was no longer a group of friends jamming out and making music, it was HIS band and no one else matters, except him. The funniest part about this is, he tried to justify it all by saying Alec and I weren't serious enough. When in reality, it was the other way around. Completely. I'd have to write a novel just to get it all out.

Now that all of this has happened, it's created a riff in social gatherings between our group of friends. No one likes, no one knows what to do. It's increasingly growing more and more aggravating by the day. I don't know what people expect me to do in this situation, I have no idea what I did to have this all happen. It seems ludicrous to even assume I started it all. It's a shame how someones destructive behaviors can affect a group of people so easily. The only way, this will ever be fixed is if he changes his ways. Cause, no matter how many people tell me to just forgive and move on, I can't. I just can't. Not this time.